It’s been a while since I came back to my own page.
I’ve been busy with work and settling in to my new life here. Living in Texas has been pretty different from Florida. I lived by the sea for most of my life, now I’m landlocked on the edge of a desert. During the summer, it was 20 degrees hotter that Florida ever gets. Now it’s already hit below freezing.
Not really much to say other than I plan to begin using this blog a bit more now that I’ve settled in a bit.
I came to a choice I needed to make.
I sat here, holding a ticket to Hawaii and the hand of this girl I’ve been seeing. I had to let one go. If I went to Hawaii, it would be forever until I saw her again. If I stayed with her, I would lose this great opportunity.
It’s a choice I had to make.
Seems Hawaii will have to wait, my heart lies in San Antonio.
I travelled to where I grew. I drove to every house where the memories were made. So much changed yet so little was different.
The woods near my home had been cut and a house was raised. But somehow, the house was already looking worn. Had it really been so long since I roamed that unpaved road? It’s funny how much can change when you’re not looking.
I ate lunch in the park. It was a beautiful day, perfect for a picnic. Yet I sat alone, not another soul upon the grounds. Does anyone even visit it anymore? They have to, right? It’s a major park, hell it’s the major park. But no, not a single child in the playground or a young couple kissing by the water. Dead empty, on such a beautiful day.
I visited the church where I played as a child. A tree I climbed so often. I took a single look at the tree and I was up it again. I sat there a while, thinking of all the times I had climbed it before. Thinking of all the memories I made in this neighborhood. Then I saw the graffiti sprayed on the sidewalk, noticed the hoops to the basketball courts had been torn down. Then I heard the sirens and saw the billboard. I remembered how peaceful and ideal this community was as I grew up. Crime was so rare, the town was so small. Not now.
I visited my friends, the ones I could get in touch with at least. Only three of them, but I was glad to see them nonetheless. The ones who helped me when I was down. The ones who were always there with a smile and a laugh. People I will miss dearly. Then I learned of marriages and engagements I had missed. People having kids, people in prison, people dying.
Of course, I saw my first friend in Florida one more time. Fourteen years we’ve known each other. Fourteen years. But now, even he has changed even in just the past few years. I’m beginning to feel that I’m the only thing that hasn’t really changed. And I’m not ashamed. I like who I am. But maybe I have changed, but I just don’t see it. I look exactly the same as I did seven years ago, or at least as I would had I worked out back then. I still think the same way, always chase your love whatever it may be. And I’m still as quick to forgive as I was before. The world has enough ill will, I choose to love fully and unconditionally.
Maybe I have changed. But I’m glad I kept what matters.
In 39 hours, I will board a plane taking me away from all I’ve ever known. I just hope I’m not one of the things I’m leaving behind.
Farewell and good night.
So, roughly three weeks away from saying goodbye to Florida.
I’ll be in a hostel for about a month when I hit Hawaii. It’s kinda weird to think about it.
I visited an alumni page for my old school and saw all these people listing their address as the same small town we all grew up in. I can understand the desire to stay for those that have a connection to the town, but I never really had that. Sure, I have friends there and I spent a lot of time just screwing about. But, I haven’t felt connected to it in a long time.
Honestly, thinking about it, I think I stopped feeling that New Port Richey was home to me when I lost my best friend. We were both new to the area and lived within walking distance of each other’s houses. We hung out all the time and forged a bond there. Late nights spent listening to music and riding all around the city in an old beat up car. Puking expensive alcohol all over his various bathroom floors. Climbing trees like little kids even though we’re supposed to be growing up. Talking out every failed relationship. I’ve known people longer than that who I never even got half as close to.
When that bond broke, that’s when it stopped being home for me. I think that’s why it’s so easy for me to leave.
I am now learning: I spent so much time focused on romantic love that I never realized the power of the platonic. Carpe vitam.
So, last August, I was sitting on my couch and thinking to myself, “What am I doing?” I had no prospects, no plans, nothing. I was stuck in a rut, awaiting that day when something, anything would change. Then, I decided to stop waiting. I said that within a year, I was moving to Hawaii.
So, I started researching jobs, good areas and bad, cost of living. I researched whatever I could find about how to move there. I started focusing on my finances, finding what I needed and what I could drop. Here I am, half a year later.
I have been given enough airline miles to get there and back if needed. I have gotten a small raise that is being funneled into my funding of the move. I’ll be moving halfway around the world on May 1st, and I am not hesitant about it at all. I will be thousands upon thousands of miles from anyone I know. But I’m plunging in without fear.
Kinda says something about how much I hate where I am now.
So, I’ve decided to try my hand at this whole blog thing again. On one hand, I’ve quit all my previous attempts at blogging because I had nothing to say. On the other hand, why the hell not?
“What will be the focus of this blog?” I sense you longing to ask.
Couldn’t tell you. Probably random musings on music, games, politics, life, etc.
“But, why are you using WordPress? You’re a web designer. You love making websites.”
I do, but I’m lazy and have remade this site about 15 times. So, I’m kinda done for now.
“How often are you going to update?”
STOP QUESTIONING ME!
